It’s just a number. Right?
I’ve posted on this before but it’s been weighing on my mind the last few days so I wanted to talk some more about it.
When I went to my endo last month, my A1C had dropped from a 7.9 to a 6.9 and that was a huge accomplishment for me. It’s still higher than I’d like it to be, but a full point drop was a big deal. I worked very hard to get that number, watched my carbs, adjusted basals, and drank a lot of juice boxes.
And I am disappointed in myself that I am already worried about my next A1C, even though it’s two months away (guilt is also very prevalent in diabetes.) My numbers have been up the last couple of weeks. I’ve been in the 200s at least once a day (usually more than once) and I have had very few lows. So I know it’s going to have crept back up into the 7’s.
What’s crazy is nothing has changed from before (diabetes is so unpredictable.) If anything, the last adjustments to my basals should have made me stay lower. And they did for a few days. Then I’m back up. I’m high overnight. I’m high when I wake up. I’m high in the afternoon. I have to wonder if my body is trying to signal me to something – kinda like a “Hey dummy, wake up!!” signal. I really want to do a basal test, and as soon as I can find a 24 hour period where I’m for the most part sedentary, I will do that.
And the one thing I know I need to fix (again) are my eating habits. I was doing SO well there for awhile … and thankfully I haven’t yet gained back the weight I lost but I’m sure it’s bound to happen unless I take a step (or two, or three) back again.
You will hear a lot of diabetics say it’s just a number. And technically, yes, it is. But that number means so many other things. It determines how you start your day – Were you low when you woke up, and had to start your day with a juice box? Were you high and sluggish getting ready for work/school, and still sluggish for the next couple of hours? It determines how you end your day – do you need a snack or a correction bolus before you let yourself fall asleep? Was it such a low number that you need to stay up even later than usual, to test again, just to make sure you came back up? Was it so high that you will be getting out of bed for bathroom trips for a few hours, and also don’t forget that water bottle that you’ll need for the cotton mouth that the high BG causes (which inadvertently will cause even more trips to the bathroom.)
I’m not complaining .. by any means. I’m just saying that yes, the number popping up on the meter or CGM is just that – a number. But it’s the deepest and most profound number that a diabetic knows. It can make or break any particular minute/hour/day.